1. Again? You know what causes that right?
Yes, I do know what causes it. I rather enjoy it, and since I have kids I don't get as much as I used to. So really its a miracle we have conceived again. If you are so pro-abstinence in marriage, you give a shot and tell me how it works out for you. I think you need some sex to have a happy marriage.
2. Wow, You are huge. Are you sure its not twins.
Every pregnant woman has many things to worry about. And they love hearing that you think they are huge! Yes we are sticking out there. Now, please think before you speak. Now your pregnant friend is crying over her ice cream at home because she is the size of a house. She won't tell you that, but she is.
3. Was it planned?
First, that is none of your business. Second, let me tell you so you can tell my child later in life that we cried when we found out that we were having yet another child. Nothing makes you feel quite as unwanted as "you were an accident."
4. Is this your last?/How many more are you planning on having?
To be honest, unless I am 100% sure that I shouldn't or don't want anymore I can't honestly answer that question. Some people thought we should be done after our two girls and they also assumed we were "trying for a boy" with this one. We were surprised to find that we were having a third. We were very excited and if it had been a girl we would have been happy then too. We are overjoyed to be having a boy, but that doesn't mean that we are never going to have another. After nursing school I may want another one. So I will prevent until we decide to have another and that maybe never. But people think I am crazy for wanting three kids or possibly 4. Oh well, its my life you don't get to help make the decisions. Speaking of which....
5. Any Unwanted Advice...
Will be ignored. I may also retaliate with some just as stupid and obnoxious insight into your life.
6. Should you be eating that? Pickles and Ice Cream...and all comments related...
I also decide what foods go into my body. My doctor and my spouse are the only two people who get to commentate on my diet. Not all pregnant women crave weird things like pickles and ice cream and implying that our hormones suddenly make us into crazy people (however true it may be) is a bit insulting.
7. Don't put your hands over your head! You'll wrap the cord around the baby's neck.
Old wives tales intended to keep me from harming my baby may cause me to harm you.
8. Just relax and it will happen.
It took us 2 yrs to get Jolyn. In that two years we were actively "trying" and suffered through a miscarriage. I know people who can't carry a baby to term, can't conceive, or have great difficulty conceiving. They don't need you telling them to relax, because sometimes it won't just happen. Saying this just puts the blame back on them. Its their fault that they can't have a baby because they are too stressed. It comes out of your mouth because you want to reassure them that it will happen. Maybe they just need you to keep your trap shut and pray for them instead.
9. Oh I want to babysit when he/she gets here.
I had a whole group of people volunteered their services. One of which had no experience and after Jolyn was born often wondered aloud at how I knew what she needed based on crying. And then she would insist that she was capable of watching my tiny baby alone. I am not discouraging babysitters, I am just saying you better know what you are doing and you better back up your offer.
More often than not, people would tell me while I was pregnant that they wanted to babysit, but they really had no desire to do that once the baby was here. And just so you know, newborns/infants sleep a lot but they also require more attention and hands on care than any other age child. Thats why daycares charge more for them.
So the moral of the story is DON'T VOLUNTEER UNLESS YOU CAN REALLY DO IT!
10. I never want to have kids, but good for you...
I get that some people don't want kids, or don't feel comfortable around children. One of my best friends is a great person and she never wants kids, ever! That is her choice. And she is truly happy for those of us who have kids. Its the ones who try to explain all the reasons why they never want kids that bother me. It's as if they are trying to bring me over to their side. I am way beyond switching sides. Those gross things about kids that they hate, I have found a way to find adorable. I am emotionally attached to the smell of spoiled formula and baby powder. It's like trying to switch a pastor over to satanism in a few words about how God is yucky. I am not going to tell you to go out and start breeding, don't tell me about the evils of baby stench.
